3. COGNITIVE ENGAGEMENT
The Jewish Lobster Prologue: Part 3
Alternative practice:
Active investigation of pattern and causation rather than submission to authority or doctrine.
Using your thinking capacity as a legitimate tool rather than treating it as the problem.
IN MY WORDS
"What if the thing that got me sober wasn't surrender but attention? Not powerlessness but investigation?"
"I'm in recovery FROM recovery culture. The sobriety stays, the epistemology goes."
"Meditation taught me I can observe patterns without judgment. That's not surrender, that's engagement."
"The refrain of 'your best thinking got you here.' But thinking is what got me OUT."
THE EVIDENCE
Daily meditation practice as cognitive training—observing thought patterns without the moral overlay of "character defects."
Internal Family Systems (IFS) work by identifying specific childhood patterns and their causation rather than treating them as mysterious disease symptoms.
Philosophical background providing tools for systematic inquiry. The investigation itself becomes the practice.
WHY THIS MATTERS
Provides the immediate practical alternative to powerlessness—you have permission to think about this. The capacity you were told to surrender is actually your primary tool.
Stinkin’ Thinkin’ = Dial a detox?
What actually got me to detox?
My thinking. Specifically: "I had a seizure at 27. Alcohol withdrawal can cause delirium tremens. That can be fatal. I should seek medical supervision."
That's good thinking. Risk assessment. Pattern recognition. Informed decision-making.
My thinking got me TO help, not just to the problem.
And what got me sober after detox? More thinking. Observing the pattern. Recognizing the escalation. Deciding the costs outweighed the benefits. Investigating alternatives.
Thinking wasn't the problem. Thinking was the solution.
The program conflates "thinking that enabled drinking" with "thinking itself." It treats your cognitive capacity as fundamentally compromised rather than occasionally misapplied.
PERMISSION OR FORGIVENESS
The direction from many sources and angles say: Don't analyze. Don't question. Don't overthink. Just work the steps.
The default advice always being reinforced: "Keep it simple." "Get out of your head." "Analysis is paralysis."
The framework systematically discourages investigation.
But investigation is how you understand anything. Pattern, causation, mechanism, effect. You observe, gather data, test hypotheses, refine understanding.
This works for everything else. Why not recovery?
"Because alcoholics can't trust their thinking."
But that's circular. If I can't trust my thinking, how can I trust my thinking enough to conclude I can't trust my thinking?
The prohibition on investigation protects the doctrine, not the person.
INSPECTOR ALKIE
Not: "Maybe I can moderate if I just try hard enough."
But: "What pattern am I actually observing here?"
I drink when anxious. Why? What's the anxiety about? Where does it come from? What's it trying to protect?
I drink to avoid difficult conversations. Why are those conversations difficult? What makes them threatening? What pattern is operating?
I drink when I feel resource scarcity. What does that pattern connect to? Childhood experience? Family systems? Intergenerational transmission?
These are legitimate questions. They require thinking.
Regardless of a habitual history of "overthinking" or "getting in my lobster head" or "analysis paralysis."
But I'm not paralyzed. I'm investigating. There's a difference.
MEDITATIVE PROOF
What meditation teaches: You can observe your own mental patterns without being controlled by them.
A thought arises. You notice it. You don't judge it, don't fight it, don't feed it. You observe its quality, its movement, how it changes.
This is cognitive engagement. Active investigation of the pattern.
The recovery culture determines that this is dangerous. You're relying on self-will. Your thinking can't be trusted. How’s your self-trust or external trust necessarily going in early recovery?
But meditation is literally training in observing your thinking without being captured by it. It's the opposite of "can't trust your thinking"—it's developing the capacity to work skillfully with thinking.
If thinking is the problem, meditation should make things worse. It makes things better.
The pattern becomes observable data rather than overwhelming compulsion. Investigation replaces submission.
JUST TO BE A PART OF IT ALL
Internal Family Systems therapy identifies parts and their protective functions.
The anxious part that needed relief. The part that numbed difficult feelings. The part that avoided vulnerability.
The 12-step recovery lexicon would call these "character defects." Moral failures require confession and divine removal.
IFS treats them as protective mechanisms. Parts that were developed for good reasons given the circumstances. They're not defects—they're adaptations. (Hold the phone! Science has left the Church!)
This requires investigation, not surrender.
I can dialogue with these parts. Ask what they're protecting. Understand their history. Develop alternative strategies.
The part that used alcohol for anxiety relief isn't bad. It was trying to help. It just had limited tools. Bad and good are rather critical recovery concepts entitled not to be muddied with other compounding moralities.
Can I give it better tools? Yes. Through investigation. Understanding. Developing capacity.
The program says: Let (anything but you) remove your defects.
Therapy says: Understand your parts and help them function differently.
One requires powerlessness. The other requires engagement.
THE CAUSATION QUESTION
The culture of recovery seems to discourage causation investigation.
"Why doesn't matter. You're an alcoholic. Don't drink and go to meetings."
But causation is exactly what matters if you want to understand a pattern.
Why did I drink? Family systems therapy reveals: Childhood transmissions. I watched that pattern. Internalized it. Executed soberly and soundly..
That's not "the disease." That's intergenerational transmission. Observable. Investigable. Interruptible.
The anxious drinking pattern connects to performance pressure. Where did that come from? Childhood environment where love was conditional on achievement. Resources felt scarce. Autonomy was violated.
The pattern made sense. It was adaptive given the circumstances.
Understanding this doesn't require powerlessness. It requires investigation.
And once you understand causation, you can work with it. Not through divine intervention, but through developing different responses.
PHILOSOPHICAL EVIDENCE
Philosophy training: systematic inquiry into questions. Break down assumptions. Examine logic. Test conclusions.
This works for everything. Epistemology, ethics, metaphysics, logic.
Why not recovery?
"Because alcoholics rationalize."
Sure. Everyone rationalizes. That's not unique to alcoholics.
The solution isn't to stop thinking. It's to think better. Develop better tools for investigation. Learn to recognize rationalization and distinguish it from valid inquiry.
The program throws out the entire cognitive apparatus because it can be misused.
That's like saying, "hands can be used to hurt people, so cut off your hands."
The tool isn't the problem. The application is.
UNSTINK THAT THINK
The program says thinking is what got me into trouble.
But let's be specific: Certain patterns of thinking enabled drinking. Other patterns of thinking enabled sobriety.
Thinking that enabled drinking:
"I can handle one drink."
"I deserve this after a hard day."
"Nobody will know."
"I'll stop tomorrow."
Thinking that enabled sobriety:
"This pattern is escalating."
"The costs outweigh the benefits."
"I had a seizure—this is medically dangerous."
"I need help."
Both are thinking. One set of thoughts led to destruction. Another set led to recovery.
The solution isn't to stop thinking. It's to develop better thinking.
THE INVESTIGATION PRACTICE
What does cognitive engagement actually look like day to day?
Morning meditation: Observe what arises. Notice patterns. Don't judge, don't fight, don't attach. Just observe.
Pattern tracking: When does anxiety spike? What triggers it? What's it protecting against? What does the part that feels anxious need?
Causation investigation: Where did this response pattern originate? Family systems? Childhood environment? What function did it serve then? Does it still serve that function?
Behavioral observation: What happened before I felt the urge to use a coping mechanism? What was I avoiding? What was threatening?
Alternative development: What else could address this need? What would actually solve for what the pattern is trying to solve?
This is the opposite of "don't think." This is a systematic investigation.
FORBIDDEN FRUIT
The program discourages certain questions:
"Why did this pattern develop?" → Doesn't matter, you're an alcoholic.
"What function was this serving?" → Doesn't matter, it's a defect.
"Could I develop alternative responses?" → Doesn't matter, you need God to remove it.
"What would happen if I approached this differently?" → Dangerous thinking, your disease talking.
Every question that would lead to understanding is forbidden.
Why? Because investigation threatens powerlessness. If you can understand the pattern, you might recognize you have capacity to work with it. If you have capacity, you're not powerless. If you're not powerless, you don't need the program's framework.
The prohibition on investigation maintains doctrine dependency.
WHAT COGNITIVE ENGAGEMENT REPLACES
Not the sobriety. The sobriety remains.
Not the recognition that drinking doesn't work. That observation remains.
What it replaces: The requirement to surrender your thinking capacity as the price of sobriety.
You can be sober AND think about your sobriety.
You can maintain recovery AND investigate your patterns.
You can honor the decision not to drink AND understand why you're making that decision.
Investigation and sobriety aren't incompatible. The recovery culture just claims they are.
PERMISSION or FORGIVENESS
This might be the most important part:
You have permission to think about this.
Your cognitive capacity isn't the enemy. It's your primary tool.
Your ability to observe pattern isn't dangerous. It's essential.
Your questions aren't your disease talking. They're engaging your intelligence.
You're allowed to investigate your own recovery.
The program took that permission away. Not through force, but through framework. "Your best thinking got you here" becomes "don't trust your thinking" becomes "investigation is relapse risk."
But you're reading this. Which means some part of you already knows: The thinking you're doing right now isn't the thinking that got you into trouble.
This thinking—systematic, investigative, causation-focused—this is different.
This can be a whole new way out for certain people.
CRISIS CAVE CLOSED FOR BUSINESS
In detox, in early sobriety, "don't think, just follow directions" was good, great even, medicine.
I couldn't think clearly. My neurology was compromised. I needed structure imposed from outside.
But I'm not in crisis anymore.
My thinking works. My patterns are observable. I can investigate without collapsing.
Continuing to treat my cognitive capacity as dangerous doesn't protect my sobriety. It prevents my development.
The tool that worked in crisis becomes the constraint in stability.
See this light: You accept help in crisis. You use the structure provided. But you don't stay in crisis mode forever, afraid to turn your thinking back on.
Four years sober. This Jewish Lobster’s thinking is clear. Time to use it to help others leave the cave.
NEXT: THE RECOVERY RELIGION
If investigation is permitted—if thinking is a tool rather than a problem—what happens when you turn that investigation on recovery culture itself?
Part 4 examines the religious structure of the program: sacred texts, conversion narratives, heresy enforcement, and why recognizing the pattern matters.
The Jewish Lobster Core Curriculum is an 8-part series examining recovery culture through systematic inquiry.
It's for people who got sober but found the provided framework intellectually untenable.
Not therapy. Not a program. Not steps. Just tools for thinking.
